Chapter IV
In Time for Tea
In which Alice takes tea with The Rat and the Jugged Hare
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As she drew near, Alice could see a rather large rat, wearing a top hat and sitting all alone at a table.
He was helping himself to tea and talking quite loudly, as if entertaining a party of guests.
‘Well,’ thought Alice, ‘at least he can speak, so he should be able to tell me where I am, if I ask him nicely. You know, I never thought to ask the Rabbit where it is that I am now, and it would be very helpful to know. And anyway, he looks quite well-dressed and civilised, for a rat. Not at all what I would have expected.’
So, with all this in mind, Alice hurried to the edge of the clearing and made herself known.
‘Excuse me,’ she said, clearing her throat and curtseying as best she could. ‘Can you tell me where I am, please sir?’
(Alice wasn’t exactly sure that this was the correct way to address a talking rat, but she thought it worth trying nonetheless.)
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The Rat looked up from his plate and Alice could see his whiskers twitching as he sniffed the air.
‘Tell you where you are?’ demanded The Rat.
He looked most agitated by the question, and his tail flicked from side to side.
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‘Tell you where you are?’ he repeated. ‘Do you know what you are asking?’
‘I believe so,’ began Alice. ‘You see I am lost, and …’
‘Do you have any idea at all what is involved in answering that question?’ asked The Rat, as he flashed his teeth.
He leaned forward and his sharp little eyes narrowed as he looked at Alice.
‘Why,’ he said, ‘I could no more tell you where you are now, than a horse could turn into a field,’ and with that he turned towards a large jug sitting on the table, and hissed, ‘She wants to know where she is!’
The jug made a snorting sound and wobbled slightly on its base.
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‘Ridiculous!’ it said.
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Alice stopped in her tracks and looked at the jug.
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The Rat looked at Alice.
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‘You are surprised,’ he said, cupping his chin in his hands.
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‘Why, yes,’ said Alice moving closer. ‘I do believe that jug actually spoke.’
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‘Indeed, it did,’ said The Rat, now taking more of an interest in his guest.
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‘Have you never heard a jug talk?’ asked The Rat.
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‘No,’ said Alice, quite surprised by the question.
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‘In that case,’ continued The Rat, ‘I don’t suppose that you have ever heard a kettle sing?’
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‘Oh, that is quite different,’ said Alice, regaining her confidence.
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‘Not at all,’ said The Rat, sharply. ‘It is all the same around here.
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‘But do have some tea,’ he continued, in a more encouraging tone of voice, ‘and we will return to your question anon.’
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So, Alice seated herself at the table and looked around for a clean cup.
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The Rat reached under the table and produced a fresh setting for her.
‘Always be prepared,’ he said. ‘That is ...
