Chapter VII
Affairs of State
In which Alice becomes Prime Minister
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‘My dear!’ said the Queen suddenly, as she grabbed the King by his sleeve. ‘I have just had a simply marvellous idea. Why don’t you make this girl your new Prime Minister?’
‘Prime Minister?’ said Alice, doubtfully. ‘I didn’t know that little girls could be Prime Ministers.’
The King looked equally dubious.
‘I really don’t know …’ he began, but the Queen cut him off before he could complete his sentence.
‘Of course, it is a good idea,’ she said. ‘It is simply the best idea that I have had today, among all my other brilliant ideas. And you know very well that you need a new Prime Minister, after that unfortunate incident with the old one, earlier this morning.’
‘Unfortunate incident?’ asked Alice.
‘Yes,’ replied the King, shifting rather uncomfortably in his seat. ‘The last Prime Minister …’ he said, a trifle uncertainly, as he looked at the Queen, ‘… didn’t … shall we say … didn’t have the head for it.’
‘Quite so,’ said the Queen, nodding in full agreement. ‘But you, my dear girl, you would be absolutely perfect for the job. So intelligent, and charming, and so new to all this. Quite ideal, really.’
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‘I wouldn’t know what to do,’ said Alice.
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‘Exactly,’ said the Queen. ‘But never mind about that, right now. Just do whatever we tell you. That way you will learn as you go along.’
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The King gave a cough and cleared his throat, as if he was about to say something.
‘You will have to apply for the job, of course,’ said the Queen, quickly. ‘There is a process, you know, and you will also need to get enough votes in an election. But don’t worry, it is all perfectly straight-forward.’
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She crossed the room to her desk and opened the top drawer.
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‘Here we are,’ said the Queen, pulling out an official-looking document. ‘This is the application form. I will fill it in for you as we go along,’ and with that she sat down at her desk, and took up a pen.
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‘“APPLICATION FORM FOR THE POST OF PRIME MINISTER”,’ she said, reading from the document.
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‘First,’ said the Queen, ‘what is the applicant’s name?’
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‘My name is Alice, Ma’am,’ said Alice.
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‘Alice Ma’am,’ repeated the Queen, writing on the application form.
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‘No, my name is just Alice,’ corrected Alice.
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‘Just Alice,’ said the Queen, crossing out her previous entry.
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Alice opened her mouth to speak again, and then thought better of it.
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‘Second, we need to know your height,’ said the Queen.
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‘Why do you need to know my height?’ asked Alice.
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‘We need to know your height so that we can confirm that you exist,’ said the King. ‘If you don’t have any height then you can’t possibly exist, and we can’t appoint anyone as Prime Minister, if they don’t exist.’
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‘You measure her,’ said the Queen, looking at the King. ‘You are the ruler, after all.’
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‘Yes,’ agreed the King. ‘I will measure her,’ and he looked ...
